We spend a lot of time obsessing over human power structures, but we have completely lost sight of how these dynamics function when they are pure. If you want to see what trust looks like in its most shameless, unfiltered form, stop reading training manuals and start watching dogs.
The Relief of Submission
We tend to frame submission as a negative, but in its purest form, submission is relief. It is an escape from harm and the crushing weight of constant responsibility.
Think of a Great Pyrenees. This is a dog bred for guardianship—a creature that spends day after day in a state of high-alert, acting as the protector and the decision-maker. That is an exhausting way to exist. Even for a dog born to guard, there is a deep, biological craving to finally put that heavy armor down. When they choose to submit, they aren’t losing themselves; they are finally finding a safe place to stop being the one who has to hold the world together.
This isn’t unique to dogs. Powerful humans—CEOs, leaders, protectors—often seek out dynamics where they can finally hand over the reins. They understand that there is immense value in escaping the pressure of command. In a professional, consensual BDSM dynamic, the “submissive” is actually the one in control. They set the boundaries, they hold the “safe word,” and they choose to enter that space of vulnerability.
The Beauty of the Unfiltered Canine Dance
We see this exact dance in our dogs. When I lie down and let my dog stand or lay on top of me, I am choosing to be submissive. I am creating the space for him to feel that dominant position. It’s a gift of trust.
In the wild, this dance is even more visceral. A female rolls over, exposing her belly—it is a shameless, deliberate invitation. If the male accepts, a rough, energetic dance ensues. But the moment the male gets too rough? A simple yelp ends the scene. In the canine world, that yelp is the ultimate, non-negotiable safe word. The boundaries are respected because the relationship—the bond—depends on it.
The “Asshole” Approach
Compare that to the modern “dog training” industry. They’ve taken this complex, consensual, and fluid language and replaced it with a pathetic, one-way street of force.
When humans try to force “dominance” on a dog, they strip away the dog’s ability to say yes or no. They ignore the invitation and replace it with a correction. They ignore the yelp and call it “persistence.”
By doing this, they aren’t “training”—they are acting like bullies. If you have to use a leash, an e-collar, or physical intimidation to assert your dominance, you aren’t a leader. You’re just an asshole who doesn’t understand the language you’re trying to speak.
The Lesson: Earn the Invitation
True authority is never taken; it is granted by the one who trusts you.
- You don’t get to lead by puffing out your chest and acting like a tyrant.
- You earn the right to lead by being the person who respects the yelp.
- You earn the right to be “dominant” by being the person who makes it safe for the dog to offer that submission in the first place.
If you want your dog to follow your lead, stop acting like a dictator. Stop trying to “dominate” and start participating in the dance. If you want a dog that listens, be the person who makes them feel safe enough to trust you with their autonomy.
Everything else is just ego.