No judgment, no blame. Today’s dog owners are victims of a broken system.
The number one thing I hear from owners today is: “I don’t trust my dog.”
But you cannot respect or be confident in something you do not trust. Think about how you define a human best friend. You trust them, you respect them, you feel confident when they are around, and you know they would never knowingly put you in harm’s way. Your best friend has your back. Based on that definition, is your dog actually your best friend?
The core issue with dogs today is a fundamental lack of relationship, which I split into two parts:
- The Core Relationship: A bond built on mutual trust and respect. This is the foundation of confidence in any relationship.
- The Working Relationship: For 30,000 years, dogs were bred to do things humans couldn’t. They were bred to work independently, requiring agency to do their jobs. Almost every breed was created to work. Today, dogs are given zero agency, zero trust, and zero jobs.
We don’t “need” dogs the way we used to. Most of us aren’t farmers, hunters, or mushers anymore. But those genetic instincts are still hardwired into our dogs, and you cannot train them out. A dog must find a way to express its genetics. When they can’t, it manifests as neurotic behaviors—shredding couches, digging up yards, eating socks—and eventually, aggression.
Satisfying the Drive: Tools Over Gimmicks
Instead of wasting money on useless gear, I would much rather see dog owners invest in tools that actually tap into these primal, genetic drives.
Unless you are dealing with an extreme case, finding ways to satisfy your dog’s instincts is your job as the owner. You can do this incredibly effectively with the right tools:
- Drones: Perfect for bird dogs to practice flushing.
- Remote-Controlled Cars: Excellent for tracking and giving a dog the thrill of a flat-out, high-speed chase—the simulated hunt.
- Flirt Poles: This is easily the number-one tool that has saved pitbull lives by giving them a safe, intense outlet for their prey drive.
Using these tools minimizes the owner’s physical input while maximizing the dog’s mental and physical output. More importantly, it gets the two of you actively working together. That joint effort is exactly what the dog craves.
When mutual trust, respect, and genetic outlets are missing, the relationship becomes toxic. It turns into a narcissistic struggle to control and manage behaviors using nothing but raw reward and punishment. Suddenly, you and your dog are trauma-bonded, trapped in a cycle of codependency. The dog simply becomes a product of this anxious environment.
And then there is the owner’s own environment. You have people all around you telling you what to do: “You need to train that dog.” “Muzzle it.” “Put it down.” You turn to Facebook looking for advice, hoping for some good news, but instead, you get slammed from all sides. People are incredibly judgmental, and suddenly you’re getting attacked from every direction. You are isolated, stressed, and trying to solve a complex behavioral problem in a pressure cooker.
A Different Approach to Training
Other trainers laugh when I tell them my only goal is to build the relationship with a dog that they never had before.
I’ve always been upfront with owners: “For a little while, your dog is going to become my dog.”
My goal is to build a relationship with them, socialize them, and take them out into the world until their problematic behaviors are extinguished. Once that relationship is established, the behavioral issues disappear on their own because the dog finally feels safe exploring the world with someone who has their back.
To make this work, I record the entire journey using a chest-mounted GoPro. I do this for two reasons:
- Perspective: Watching me work in the yard through a living room window is no different than watching a YouTube video. But when owners watch the GoPro footage, they see the world from my point of view. That’s when it finally clicks just how shut down or anxious their dog actually is.
- Trust: I am a complete stranger who just knocked on your door, walked into your backyard, and took your dog. Recording every second proves to the owner that their dog is safe, that things are changing rapidly, and that I’m not sneaking their dog around the corner to abuse them. It builds immediate trust with the owner.
Handing Back the Leash
Once the dog is ready, I have the owners meet us at a dog park, instructing them to watch from a distance at first. They get to see their dog calm, actively socializing with people, and playing with other dogs. They need to see, with their own eyes, what their dog is truly capable of.
When they are ready, they join us, and I hand that relationship back to them. I don’t make the decision to let the dog off-leash—that is the owner’s choice to make. It is the ultimate test of trust.
At that point, my job is done. The owners finally trust their dog, and they understand that “aggression” isn’t a permanent personality trait; it is an emotionally charged symptom of a deeper relational problem.
My philosophy is always relationship first—then train if you wish. But the truth is, once you build that genuine relationship, most owners are absolutely over the moon. They realize they don’t even care about formal obedience training anymore because the behavioral issues have vanished.
For those who do want to take it further, the transition is effortless. I’ve had past clients call me up months down the road to tell me they’ve gone into agility and advanced training. They didn’t need to rely on treats or punishment to get there, either. When you have a real relationship, natural communication just flows.
I have never trained a dog in my life. It was always about the solid relationship.
This is Monty – my dog. We are together 24 hours a day. This is his time to get away from me – and get out and be a dog. I’m here if you need me. This is all I wanted – and it wasn’t hard.